| Page: 1 | Rating: Funny [5] |
Jesus Chat
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Thu Jul 20, 2006 @ 8:06pm |
 Coolness: 686275 | heathergirl11: Hi
Jesus: Hello heathergirl11: I was surprised you are actually online. Jesus: Why is that? heathergirl11: Because I thought it was all just a gag. Jesus: What do you mean? heathergirl11: Well, i thought your website was a joke, you know. One of those joke websites. Jesus: Why would you think something like that? heathergirl11: never mind. LOL. So, who are you? Jesus: Jesus, my child. heathergirl11: No, I mean, really who are you? Jesus: I am who I am, Jesus. heathergirl11: Okay, how about this: A/S/L Jesus: Okay, Immortal/Male/Everywhere and nowhere at once. heathergirl11: LOL, Okay, I deserve that one I guess. So, I really liked the website. Jesus: Thank you. What did you enjoy most? heathergirl11: Well, it was funny. I mean overall. I really liked it. The photos were funny as well. Jesus: Funny? Hmm, maybe I need to work on it some more. heathergirl11: Huh? Jesus: Nevermind. heathergirl11: So, what are you up to? Jesus: Just looking to pornography. heathergirl11: What? Jesus: Just joking. heathergirl11: rotfl! Oh, I thought so. lol. You really are Jesus huh? Jesus: Yes. heathergirl11: Can you prove it? Tell me something about me. Jesus: Okay, Let's see, you are Heather Smith from Eau Claire, Wisconsin. Your parents are Judy and Frank. Your social security number is ###-##-####. You recently came out of a long term relationship with Bryan who decided that he needed his space. You attend the University of Wisconsin, Madison. You experimented with lesbianism with your roommate Sarah and although you enjoyed it you still prefer men. That doesn't mean you wont try it again. You feel guilt over it however and you're not sure if you should tell anyone. heathergirl11: HOW IN THE HELL DO YOU KNOW ALL OF THAT???? Do I know you? Did Sarah tell you?? Jesus: I'm Jesus, I know all and see all. heathergirl11: So, you saw all of that? Jesus: Of course. heathergirl11: Okay, Okay, so what is Sarah doing right now? Jesus: Do you really want to know? heathergirl11: Yes! Jesus: Well, right now, she is masturbating with her vibrator while fantasizing about you. She is really interested in continuing the experimentation with you. heathergirl11: OH MY GOD! Jesus: My ears are burning. heathergirl11: Huh? Jesus: Nevermind. heathergirl11: God, I wish I was back in Madison. Jesus: No you don't. Otherwise you would run into Bryan with his new boyfriend. heathergirl11: Oh Jesus! Jesus: Yes? heathergirl11: What? Jesus: Forget it. heathergirl11: So, uhm are you bored yet? Jesus: No, never. This has been a fun conversation. heathergirl11: Well, thank you. Jesus: You are welcome. heathergirl11: brb Jesus: Okay, but you will want to wash it first. Use a mild soap and hot water. Don't scrub it though be cause it can wear down the latex. heathergirl11: Stop that! lol Jesus: I can't, I'm Jesus. heathergirl11: Okay, I'm back. So, will you tell me something? Jesus: Yes. heathergirl11: What are you wearing. Jesus: My usual, robes and sandals. heathergirl11: What about...underneath? Jesus: Nothing, I always go commando. heathergirl11: Really? interesting. I wonder what you're like under there. Jesus: Well, I am Jewish after all. heathergirl11: Oh. Well, I guess that makes sense. So, I was wondering, is it pretty common for women to find you sexy? Jesus: Yeah, they do. It has a lot to do with me being Jewish, you know, the security thing. That and the fact that I am the son of God. So there's the power issue there too. In the seventies and eighties my hairstyle was pretty popular, but I trimmed it short in the nineties just because I abhor mullets. The mustache and goatee are still there though. Basically, not to sound vain, but Jesus looks good. heathergirl11: mmmm, know what I'm doing now? Jesus: Of course. And if you lift up slightly you will stimulate the clitoris more. heathergirl11: Doesn't it excite you? Jesus: No, but that's not your fault. It's just that it takes a great deal to excite Jesus. heathergirl11: So, not even the fact that I am masturbating with my toy while thinking of you is exciting. Jesus: Oh, it's flattering, and stimulating. It's just that you are not the first to do so. There have been so many that I can't count. heathergirl11: lol, can't you just pretend? Jesus: No, but I will listen. That's the most fulfilling part of any intimate encounter really. Communication. heathergirl11: mmmm, tell me more. Jesus: Why don't you adjust the speed to variable? You might enjoy that more. heathergirl11: OH GOD! mmmmm Jesus: That better? Try this. heathergirl11: Ohhh, mmmm....is that? your hand? Jesus: Yes. heathergirl11: Play with my breasts please! Jesus: Okay. heathergirl11: Oh yes, Jesus! Praise Jesus! Suck on my nipples! OH GOD! Bite them! OOOOOHHHHH!!!!!! Jesus: Well, Got to go. Your grandmother's about to die. I have to go pick her up. Talk to you later! heathergirl11: wait!.... |
| I'm feeling confused right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» flo replied on Thu Jul 20, 2006 @ 8:46pm |
 Coolness: 147010 | i think a ROFL is appropriated here :P |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» M-A-X replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 4:34am |
 Coolness: 122345 | JJJJJJEEEEEEESSSSSSSUUUUUUSSSSSS!!! |
| I'm feeling "where am i" right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bassic replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 8:19am |
 Coolness: 129380 | Bahahah. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» neoform replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 3:30pm |
 Coolness: 340350 | Jesus: Nothing, I always go commando.
haha, good line. |
| I'm feeling penchant right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» CravinYourMom replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 4:03pm |
 Coolness: 39880 | Jesus was not a jew >_ |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 4:21pm |
| Coolness: 686275 | Uhmm, yeah he was. He was also born in 8AD, and durring the summer. |
| I'm feeling confused right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» FRANKB replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 5:00pm |
 Coolness: 104020 | haa |
| I'm feeling your moms vagina right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» MURDOCK_ROCK replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 5:13pm |
 Coolness: 84560 | wasn't he also married to a prostitute? |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Screwhead replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 5:15pm |
| Coolness: 686275 | I don't remember that one, but I do remember that all of his brothers and sisters were whores, thieves and murderers |
| I'm feeling blah right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Mico replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 6:18pm |
 Coolness: 151145 | Originally Posted By MURDOCK_ROCK
wasn't he also married to a prostitute? *gasp* |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» GRASP replied on Fri Jul 21, 2006 @ 6:43pm |
 Coolness: 65985 | mary magdalin is a filthy whore! |
| I'm feeling dildo-ish right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» FRANKB replied on Sun Jul 23, 2006 @ 6:53am |
| Coolness: 104020 | hehe |
| I'm feeling your moms vagina right now.. | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Phoenix replied on Mon Jul 24, 2006 @ 3:48pm |
 Coolness: 82375 | Hey fred, who's the imposter?! The one above all likely won't tolerate such deceptive blasphemy... Repent the hoax and I might choose to fogive your transgressions. |
Jesus Chat
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