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The Anti Joke Thread
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:21pm |
 Coolness: 153230 | Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg.
Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed. ------------------------------------------------------------------- A man walks into a pub. He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Did you hear about the blonde who jumped out off a bridge? She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem. ------------------------------------------------------------------- What do you call a cat with no tail? A Manx cat. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do undertakers wear ties? Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas. ------------------------------------------------------------------- How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb? One. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do women fake orgasms? Because they want to give men the impression that they have climaxed. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Two men are sitting in a pub. One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.' The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.' ------------------------------------------------------------------- What's worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Being raped. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away. One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Why are there no aspirin in the jungle? Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest Man 1: Knock, Knock Man 2: Who's there? Man 1: It's me Johnny. Man 2: Oh, hey man! Come on in, and have a beer. ---------- A priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk walk into a bar, sit at the end and start having some drinks. Two hours later, they come out with a better understanding of each other and a mutual respect, the beginnings of a friendship that last a lifetime. ---------- What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede? A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering. ----------- So, there were an Irishman, an Englishman and an American wrecked on an island. One day, they found a bottle, and when they opened it, a ghost came out and offered them each a wish. However, even though they wished for different stuff, nothing happened, as the three guys of varying nationalities were just having shared hallucinations from hunger. ------------- Why didn't the skeleton cross the road? Because it was just the decomposing remains of a long forgotten murder case in a remote field. --------------- A man walks into a bar He drinks 6 Newcastles, 4 shots of Jack Daniels, hits on the waitress unsuccessfully, takes his wedding ring off, tried again and fails, drinks 3 more shots, drives home, beats his daughter for coming home late, and cries himself to sleep realizing that he hates his life. ---------------- A duck walks into a bar... Animal control is promptly called, the duck is then taken to a near by park and released. ---------------- A horse walks into a bar, and the barman says "Why the long face?". The horse replies: "I'm deeply troubled by the anthropomorphic aspects of my existance and the extent to which I am now protected by law." ----------------- Why was six afraid of seven? It wasn't. Numbers are not sentient and thus incapable of feeling fear. ----------------- How do you know when a Frenchman has been near your house? You don't, really, unless you were there to see him or if one of your neighbors saw him. I wouldn't worry about it, really. ---------------- The Pope walks into a bar. The bartender says, what'll ya have, Pope? But the Pope's grasp of English is tenuous at best, so he mumbles something in Latin. The bartender doesn't know any Latin. The Pope gets frustrated and leaves. ---------------- A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.'' The bear replies, ''I guess I will have a soda instead.'' So the bear and the bartender talk over nonalcoholic drinks all night about the reality of interspecies communication. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» I_fucked_IansMom replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 2:22pm |
 Coolness: 49750 | good man. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» kwickStah replied on Tue Jan 10, 2006 @ 6:32pm |
 Coolness: 66265 | Originally posted by SILLY ROBBOTS...
A bear walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer. The bartender says, ''Sorry, we don't give beer to bears in bars.'' The bear replies, ''I guess I will have a soda instead.'' So the bear and the bartender talk over nonalcoholic drinks all night about the reality of interspecies communication. lolll... |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» No_Comply replied on Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 11:56am |
 Coolness: 85655 | a guy walks into a bar.
ouch. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PonChalice replied on Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 1:26pm |
 Coolness: 76975 | Why did the [ rave.ca ] member get fired from the factory?
Repeated absences and stealing ----- How do you confuse a [ rave.ca ] member? Paint yourself green and throw forks at um ----- No_Comply, christelle and carl with a cunt are on a plane... They land safely and deliver their speeches to the public ----- An apple and orange log onto [ rave.ca ] and ask el leader maximo for a zangwitsh ... GhostDad doesn't reply and makes an appointment with the doctor to see if indeed this is a sign of psychosis |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» No_Comply replied on Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 2:56pm |
| Coolness: 85655 | this thread has Mitch Hedberg written all over it. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PonChalice replied on Wed Jan 11, 2006 @ 2:59pm |
| Coolness: 76975 | |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Trey replied on Thu Jan 12, 2006 @ 5:34am |
 Coolness: 103485 | Mitch Hedburg was so funny! get/download his stand up comic routine. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Mico replied on Thu Jan 12, 2006 @ 10:15am |
 Coolness: 151180 | Originally posted by SILLY ROBBOTS...
Man: Doctor, I've broken my leg. Doctor: I'm afraid it is a very bad break. You will never walk properly again. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Knock, knock. Who's there? The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband has been killed. ------------------------------------------------------------------- Gold |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Trey replied on Thu Jan 12, 2006 @ 5:29pm |
| Coolness: 103485 | [ www.torrentspy.com ] is Mitch stand up comedy, it's only 130 mb
"i like escalators, man they can never break they can only become stairs they would never be escalator temporaly 'out of order' sign they would only be a escalator 'temporaly stairs' sign, sorry for the convinence. i wanted to buy a candle holder but the store didn't have one so i bought a cake. i don't have a girlfriend, i just know a girl who gets really mad if she heard me say that." |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Sat Jan 14, 2006 @ 3:27pm |
| Coolness: 153230 | Bumping for when I get home. 56k sucks here. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» PitaGore replied on Wed Jan 25, 2006 @ 10:23am |
 Coolness: 472525 | hahahahahahahahahahahahaahahahah |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Wed Jan 25, 2006 @ 6:08pm |
| Coolness: 153230 | Steven Right 's hilarious too. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Bunnytronix replied on Wed Jan 25, 2006 @ 6:08pm |
| Coolness: 153230 | In fact I prefer Steven Right to Mitch. Predeceser + darker in general. |
| Good [+1]Toggle ReplyLink» Holly_Golightly replied on Wed Jan 25, 2006 @ 6:11pm |
 Coolness: 159455 | lol! |
The Anti Joke Thread
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