When a child is still in the womb, there is no seperation between self and other. The ego does not exist. There is nothing but peace, universal belonging, and tranquility.

Can we recapture this feeling? Prisoners of our egos, our individual subjective experiences erect boundaries between the self and the other, between one person and the next, between the individual and all of humankind.

I remember that as an early adolescent, I used to lay awake and dream about this crush I had at school. I would wonder what she would be feeling, or thinking, at the exact moment that I was laying there. Would she be dreaming? Chatting with a friend? Watching television? I wanted our individual consciousness to become one. I wanted to merge with her and become one consciousness.

Sex is probably the most obvious and common technique by which the boundaries between two people become dissolved. At the moment of mutual orgasm, in an entaglement of flesh, the subjective experiences (and thus consciousness) of the man and woman have become one. Still, sex is limited because even at its most effective, it only involves the merging of two people, far from the universal sense of belonging felt in the womb.

I ask myself, what is the composition of the ego? What components of the mind keep us apart? I beleive there are two components: (1)the awareness of sensory perception experienced in the moment, and (2) the interpretation or subjective experiencing of that sensory input contingent upon past experience, beleifs, personality traits, and so forth. Thus, when you watch a movie (or look at a painting, or so forth) with someone, the first component is satisfied, because you are both experiencing nearly identical sensory input - but alas each individual will interpret this input differently, based on the factors mentioned above, so there is no merging of consciousness.

Let's hypothesise what sort of ideal situation would result in the merging of a large number of people, for the sake of dissolving the boundaries of the ego and attain union with the universal consciousness. Such a situation would require:

(1)a large number of people, in close physical proximity to one another,
(2)a means of ensuring that each individual's sensory input is identical (or as close to identical as possible) and
(3)some means of ensuring that every individual's subjective feelings, emotions, and interpretation of their sensory input is identical

If these three conditions are achieved, then the individual egos cease to exist and merge into one consciousness. There become just one heartbeat, just one being, made up of all the individuals present.

It is my experience that a rave can satisfy all three conditions mentioned above. The first two are obviously satisfied: there is a large number of people, and the music and lights ensure a common sensory experience.

But what about the third condition? How can one ensure that the subjective awareness experienced by all those present will be identical? One word:

ECSTASY.

Under the influence of MDMA, at least for the first few experiences, it doesn't matter who you are, what you've experienced in the past, or what your beleifs are. You will feel love, acceptance, and empathy. Now get a whole bunch of people on this drug together, and everyone is on the same wavelength. Every smile or glance between strangers carries this one message: i'm feeling the exact same thing as you, and I'm loving it!

You see it every time a thugged-out street kid forgets he has to be tough and dances with reckless abandon to trance. You see it in their eyes.

Of course, the main drawback to the rave-MDMA technique for the purpose of merging of consciousness is that it is temporary, fleeting, and cannot be returned to indefintely. It is a gift, a stortcut to something that is possible without drugs (but takes much, much more work).

Still, I am grateful for MDMA. I am grateful for what it has shown me. And someday, perhaps not until death, I know that once again I will experience the same feeling as I did in the womb.