HOLY SMOKES! HEMP FESTIVAL IS TOO GROOVY

The atmosphere at the Hemp 2000 benefit concert, held in Anchorage's
Organic Oasis Cafe, can best be described as ...well, far out, I
guess. Crazy hip, man.

In fact, it's really kind of touching, in a strange way. Dozens of
genial people have congregated in this petite coffee shop and diner to
support a cause they hold dear in their hearts, ignoring the pressure
of societal norms to desist.

At the door of Organic Oasis, I'm greeted by a cheerful gentleman
named Al Anders, who - as fate would have it - is treasurer of Hemp
2000. I introduce myself as a journalist, and he seems delighted at
the media attention I'm apparently providing.

"What platform does Hemp 2000 support?" I ask.

"To legalize the hemp plant completely for all uses," Anders
says.

"And what uses would you be referring to?"

"You can use it to make clothing, food, fuel, fiber, paper, oil for
your car. ... Hemp has a lot of uses."

"Does Hemp 2000 support the legalization of marijuana?" I
ask.

"We support hemp for all uses, which would include marijuana," Anders
says. "We are very much opposed to throwing adults in jail for doing
something in the privacy of their own home."

Feeling properly introduced to this basic hemp minutia, I stroll
around Organic Oasis, fully experiencing all that is HempFest 2000.
Well, not "fully" experiencing, but pretty close. You know? Too true.
Mad groovy.

After some brief searching, I find a table selling a pragmatic
plethora of hemp merchandise. For example: "hempzels," hemp-saturated
pretzel snacks; T-shirts and videos exhibiting such compelling
proclamations as "The Emperor of Hemp" and "Cannabis For Humankind!";
and hemp Pops, tiny lollipops made from hemp extract.

Anders offers me one of these Hemp Pops. I unwrap the candy and put it
in my mouth, noticing itsplastic wrapper says "Hemp - Number One
Source of Protein of All Plants."

"Wow," I say, "this tastes just like tree sap and death."

I walk around the dining room of Organic Oasis, looking for people who
would like to be interviewed. I meet Linda Ronan, proprietor of a
local business called "Flying Colors" - a tie-dyed shirt company - and
author of the forthcoming dramatic production "They Just Don't Get
It." Ronan says she has a funny story about working behind a booth at
the Alaska State Fair last summer.

"I do custom tie-dies," she says. "We've done the fair for 15 years.
But this year, I decided to make a little bit more money, so I got
these marijuana leis ..."

Ronan holds up a bunch of hemp leaf-shaped necklaces for my
approval.

"These are marijuana leaves?!" I ask.

"No!" she says. "No, these are just silk, honey. It just looks like
marijuana leaves, OK? You see here? Silk! ... That's absurd!!"

"OK, whatever."

"So last year, Carmen came here. He's a religious singer of somesort.
Anyway, the fair authorities said the leis were offending people, and
they said Carmen had asked me to remove them. And I said "No, I've
beenselling them all week, and everyone has been buying them. I've
sold 500."

"So you would rather not take down pseudo-marijuana necklaces thankeep
your booth at the state fair?" I ask.

"It's the principle of the thing. The point is, there are lots of
people out there considered criminals, but they pay their taxes, vote,
giveto the community. And they're considered nasty people because they
smokepot. ... Don't we live in a free country? It's supposed to be
free, isn't it?"

Just then, a woman named Regina Manteusel approaches me, introducing
herself as a candidate for the state house come the next election.

"So who are you running against?" I ask.

"Against the incumbent, Allen Kemplen (Democrat, District 16),"
Manteusel says.

"I take it Allen Kemplen isn't exactly Allen Hemplen?" I
quip.

"I think Alan Kemplin is a former community patrol officer, and he
doesn't really understand the healthy uses of hemp."

"But if you were elected into office, there would be marijuana for
everyone?"

"I think it's something that should not be around children, that it's
something that should be done privately ... If you are not driving on
the road, it's your personal business what goes on in your room."

"Yeah, like heroin," I add.

"I am totally against heroin."

"But c'mon, if you do it in your room, it's not like you're hurting
anyone."

"Heroin makes people violent and is extremely addictive."

"But with pot, it's different?"

"Pot makes people eat a lot of food," Manteusel clarifies.

"Like Hemp Pops," I say.

"It makes people eat more food," she reiterates.